Aging Parents
I was raised by a single mom. My dad died when I was three. She worked, studied, cooked, showed up, kept going. No fanfare-just grit. Now I’m the one driving her to appointments, reminding her to take her meds, and sometimes, just sitting in silence while she drifts a little further from the woman who raised me.
Here’s What I Know Now
Caregiving isn’t just about helping. It’s about witnessing. About remembering your parent in all their complexity, even as they become someone new. It’s about carrying history, sometimes painfully and still making it through the day. As a therapist, I hear it in the room. The resentment. The guilt. The exhaustion. The love.
Caregiving brings up more than tasks. It opens up old wounds, family dynamics and old stories we thought we outgrew. There’s grief no one names. Not just about who our parents are becoming, but about who we thought we’d be at this moment in time.
Generation X, also called the sandwich generation has the task of balancing careers, kids, on top of the caregiving. Stuck in the middle-between analog and digital, tradition and progress…we feel the squeeze.
AARP and the National Alliance for caregiving report that nearly 25% of U.S caregivers are in their 40’s and 50’s. Many of us are still parenting teens or supporting college aged kids while also navigating health care, finances, and emotional support for our own parents. It’s a lot.
Real Self-Care for Real Life
I’m not going to say “take a bubble bath” and call it a day. But here are some small ways you can carve out time for yourself:
-Set a 10 minute “pause” every day: Close your eyes, take a deep breath and hold for a count of four, and release. Notice what’s happening inside. This helps to bring focus to YOUR thoughts, and feelings.
-Ask for help: A sibling, friend, neighbor all can be your lifeline.
-Keep something special that is just for you: A walk, podcast, or just a cup of coffee in silence.
-Say “no” without explanation: Your time is a boundary, not a luxury.
- Lastly, talking to a professional can lighten the load when things feel just too overwhelming.
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